I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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