the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
