I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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