his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
