it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
