You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
