She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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