What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
where does the pee come out of this thing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Randomize
