I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
