I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
