dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I touched a dick in church today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize