I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
