dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am midnight drunk by noon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
