I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
