ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
