Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
