Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
