When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
