Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
