there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
