i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
