i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
