May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
