he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
