im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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