Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
