I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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