how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
