From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
