I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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