BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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