woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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