The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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