JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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