At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
