Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
