I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
