Will you blow on my dice?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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