I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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