Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
