Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
