I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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