his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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