Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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