I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
