I wish life had little blips of pornography
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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