dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
