I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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