I just saw a hot homeless man
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
