I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
