It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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