so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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