I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
