It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
