end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
