I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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