I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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