I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
