God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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