my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
