I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize