i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
