Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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