Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
