Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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