farters have to be the big spoon...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
