i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
